


Rough Landing

by alkaliadult



Category: Tsuritama
Genre: Anxiety, Cuddles, Feelings Jam, Fluffy, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO TAG IT AS AAA, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 08:18:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4780334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alkaliadult/pseuds/alkaliadult
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neither Yuki nor Haru can sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rough Landing

Usually, thoughts came in like water trickling down a stream; a constant and concentrated flow of memories forming new meanings. But now, they flooded Yuki like waves, drowning him in a rush of incomprehensible images and feelings. At the root of the problem was this: Within an instant, it seemed, Yuki made his first real friends. But Natsuki left, and Akira left, and Haru…  
Haru left. Haru came back. In that time, Yuki wanted to believe that nothing had changed, but he felt it. Even as they were smiling and laughing just like before, anxiety ran through Yuki’s brain, ticking down the moments until everything was taken away from him again. He wanted to enjoy himself, he wanted to let his friendship bloom beautifully, but nothing felt right. His memories weren’t enough; he kept wishing that he could go back to the way things were before he worried about it all coming to an end over and over and over again.  
Thinking about things like that, was it any surprise he was still awake?  
He pulled the sheets on his bed closer to him, chanting a half-asleep mantra, "Calm down, just go to bed. Don't worry about it. Calm down. You're not alone. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down..."  
Yuki squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus on what was happening around him. He tried to observe every sensation around him, ignoring the roaring water in his mind. He noted the texture of the sheets, the firmness of the bed, the sound of creaking floorboards...  
The sound of creaking floorboards...?!  
He thought he was imagining it, but no, from outside, he heard a little squeak or squeal every few seconds.  
"Haru...?"  
Yuki couldn't imagine that Kate would walk all the way here if she woke up. But Haru always slept so heavily... could it really be him?  
Yuki then became acutely panicked thinking it was an intruder, until…  
The creaking became coupled with an overly-loud whispering. "Sorori... sorori..."  
It's definitely Haru!  
Yuki groaned, but found himself lumbering towards his door anyways. He yanked it open and lurched towards the left, feeling very tired, yet very awake. Haru froze, mid-sneak, a few feet from Yuki.  
Still in sneak position, Haru put out his hands in a greeting.  
"Ah. Yuki. Good evening!", he said with a nervous, but bubbly, laugh.  
Yuki was not amused. "What are you doing?"  
Haru refused to meet Yuki's gaze.  
"I couldn't sleep, so I was going to go to Kate's..."  
"And wake her up? She's an old woman who needs to sleep! You should know that!"  
"But... but..." Haru deflated. "Kate always has answers for when I need help, so I thought I could go to her..."  
Yuki was still frustrated, but he relaxed. "Let her sleep. Come on. I was awake anyways, so if something's troubling you, you can just ask me for now. What are friends for, anyways?" Haru nodded vigorously, but then paused and let out a nervous sound. Yuki seemed puzzled, but just beckoned for Haru to follow him back into his room.  
Yuki padded over to his bed and flopped down. To Yuki's embarrassment, Haru did the same, lying only inches away from him.  
"Uh, hey, you could just use the chair I have--or, if you wanted, I could move over there instead--"  
Haru interrupted, "But, Yuki, it's easier to hear each other this way."  
Yuki had a thousand things he felt like responding with to that, but he swallowed them and said nothing.  
They laid silent for a moment.  
"So, uh..." Yuki started, "What was bothering you? That you wanted to see Kate about..."  
Haru fidgeted. "Eh... it's no big deal... just some trouble sleeping... it’s all okay though! Okay, okay!"  
Yuki propped up his head and stared, skeptical, at Haru, who turned around, his back to Yuki.  
"You were awake this whole time, it's definitely not 'no big deal'. Can't you tell me?"  
Haru fidgeted and repeated, “It’s okay! It’s okay! All good! Okay!”  
Yuki didn’t believe it. “You might as well just tell me while you’re here.”  
Haru tensed up and finally released,  
"Yuki. I was worried about you, Yuki."  
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?  
"Me? It was me you were worried about? I don't know why you'd be..."  
Or did he?  
Yuki had never really considered how Haru was feeling about his return. Could Haru have been troubled all alone?  
Haru began to speak slowly, "It's just... my heart hurts so much. Even when I'm happy, and it's pounding like it's about to burst, it's still hurting like it's trapped and it can't get free. Can you be happy and sad at the same time? That's what it's like."  
Yuki felt awful. "Haru, I didn't know... but why?" He didn't understand. What was wrong? Did Haru have to leave again? Was that why he was so upset?  
Haru swiveled around again, face severe. "It's Yuki!", Haru burst out, as if that somehow explained what he felt. But, before his friend could respond, he continued, words spilling out. "We're having so much fun together and it's just like before and yet I look at your face and sometimes it's still bad, why is it bad, Yuki? I missed you so much, I missed your smile and I missed fishing with you, but even when we're doing that it feels bad! Wrong! Absolutely, definitely--! Bad! Why, Yuki!" Haru's eyes were soft, as if he was wounded.  
Yuki was appalled. "Haru, I... I didn't know you felt like that..." It didn't even occur to him that he was distancing himself from Haru.  
"What did I do, Yuki?"  
Yuki's eyes widened. "Nothing! Haru, you did nothing wrong, oh my God, I'm not angry at you--Jeez! How could I have been so stupid?"  
Haru tilted his head. "So, you're not mad?"  
They took a moment to look at each other.  
Yuki breathed deeply. "To be honest... I was scared about losing you, Haru. I didn't want you to leave again, and every time I saw you, all I could think about was when you'd be gone--and so I guess I started to distance myself from you. I was scared. I was so scared. I was drowning all over again. But I hurt you, and I'm very, very sorry."  
Haru looked very serious for a moment, then brought back his signature smile. "Then, everything's okay!", he chirped. Yuki's face began to lighten up, but not by much. "Yeah... everything's great..."  
Haru began to deflate again at Yuki's unenthusiasm.  
Yuki hurried to explain himself. "No, no, it's true, everything is great, I just--we're friends, best friends, and I couldn't even tell you how I was feeling... and then, to find out you were hurting too, it's just... jarring. How could I have let that happen?"  
Haru wrapped his arms around Yuki, gently, and soothed, "It's okay now, Yuki. Everything's great, see? It doesn't matter if we made some mistakes. Just promise me you'll talk to me next time--" Yuki jumped in, "I promise! But you have to tell me too if something's wrong." Haru nodded, and let out a "Definitely!" They relaxed a bit.  
Haru's uncharacteristic gentleness suddenly gave way to his usual enthusiasm. Arms still around Yuki, he squeezed them tightly. "Oh, Yuki, I'm so happy! I'm really, really happy! My heart doesn't hurt any more, I think, ah--thank you!" His head was buried in Yuki's chest. Yuki didn't pull away. "Well, if you're happy, I'm happy."  
Yuki's body suddenly felt very heavy. "Oh. Right. Sleeping. Do you think you'll be okay now?" Haru nodded, still holding Yuki. "Yep!" Yuki took a moment to process what was happening. "So, er, are you going to go back to your room, or...?"  
Haru held Yuki just a bit closer. "This is fine!"  
Yuki put his arms around Haru. "Good night, then, Haru."  
"Good night, Yuki!"

**Author's Note:**

> CRAPPO this is my first fic aaa.......  
> somewhat predictably, every time i wrote this i was awake at night when i wasnt supposed to be. hopefully sleep deprivation hasnt affected the work;;;  
> i dont really know how to format on here, plus im posting from my phone. I hope that doesnt mess anything up!!  
> i hope you enjoyed!!!!!!!!!!


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